Families can react in different ways to a gender transition. Some people will find complete acceptance and support, while others may face outright hostility and rejection.
Acceptance is becoming more common than it used to be, with many people now transitioning to their desired gender in childhood or adolescence. This is preferable as it avoids the serious social, medical and psychological difficulties that come with an unwanted puberty in the birth gender, as well as the later issues of transitioning "on the job".
It is important to realise that initial family reactions can often change over time, for better or worse. Rejection can turn into acceptance once time passes and family members have had an opportunity to understand the gender transition and the reasons behind it.
In other cases acceptance can also turn into rejection under pressure from partners, friends, or conservative "religious" communities. There have been unfortunate incident vin which people have been suddenly rejected after many years of acceptance. This can happen when partners or family members have a change in their values or are "born again" into conservative "religious" communities.
Parents and family members who are struggling with the transition of a loved one are welcome to contact the group, and can be put in contact with other families who have been through a similar experience.
Gender transition can be very difficult for romantic partners. It is rare for an opposite-sex couple to adapt successfully to being a same-sex couple and most such relationships end in divorce, although this usually happens amicably with the ex-couple becoming best friends. There are some exceptions to this rule, usually where the non-transitioning partner is bisexual and was aware of the gender dysphoria from the start of the relationship.
Australia laws now recognise the continued existence of a marriage after gender transition. Divorce is no longer required to access hormones or surgery. However, it is still a requirement in order to change the gender on one's birth certificate in Victoria. Changing the gender marker on one's passport without divorce is possible but usually involves some additional paperwork and administrative delays. We hope that this situation will improve in years to come.
Same sex couples who will become opposite sex after a gender transition are more likely to retain their relationship, and such couples can marry under existing Australian laws once the legal change of ender is complete.
Children will usually accept a transgendered parent if they were raised with progressive values and if the parents accept each other. There are several members of the VicGender community who have transitioned later in life and have children. One member of our community has primary custody of her children and she is happy to get in touch with other families in a similar situation. People transitioning much later in life with adult children have had varied results, with some being accepted and others being rejected and denied access to their grandchildren.
In all cases, it is critically important that a person going through gender transition makes new friends in a safe environment that would be accepting of their gender past. This is even more important if the person wishes to conceal that past and go into "deep stealth" as it ensures that any future "outing" will not cause a catastrophic loss of all social support the person has.
New friends do not always have to know about one's gender past, but we should still think carefully about where and how we build new lives. It is important to avoid environments such as some religious groups that are known to be homophobic or transphobic. Such groups may might later discover a person's past and pressure that person to reverse transition. As a rule, progressive, alternative, and "new age" environments are safer than conservative ones, although all rules have exceptions.
On a positive note, most people within our community have successfully made new lives, and it is very realistic to find work, find love, and find happiness as who you want to be. For those of us who lose our birth families, we try our best to be substitute families and to promise that you will never be alone.
